Bullying is a type of intentional harassment which is verbal, physical or in some cases emotional. Bullying is common wherever there is interaction with people. Work places and schools are the most common places of its occurrence. Cyber bullying is the latest addition to this variety.
By bullying the abuser is gaining power over the victim or the target. The reason behind this type of behavior may be to become popular, to get the attention of teachers and friends, or may be just due to jealousy. Some of the aggressive behaviors shown by the bullies include slapping, choking, throwing things, isolating a child; spreading gossip about the person etc.
Most bullies will have a background of being a victim of some type of hurt caused by another person. School bullying is the most common type and the one that attracts the most attention. Bullying can take place any where in and around the school. It is not possible for the school authorities to keep watch on each and every child. The problem with bullying is that both the abuser and the target will not admit of the activity most of the times. Parents and teachers should be able to make out from the behavior of the child that he is a victim of bullying.
The child may refuse to attend school, show reluctance in extracurricular activities or the grades of the student will go down. If a child shows any of these symptoms then you can suspect some problem. As bullying cannot be prevented, you can prepare your child to handle such behaviors in school. The first thing your child should know is that you will be there to protect him. Bullies usually target non confident victims.
Keep a record of the things happening in school and complain to the principal of the school, if the bullies do not stop their activities by giving the warning. Make your child feel comfortable which will allow him to talk about the problem to you. The best way to handle the bullies is to make the parents of the bully aware that their child is involved in such activities. Increasing, the adult supervision, in the corridors and playgrounds also help to reduce the incidence.
The school authorities should warn the bully about the consequences of such behavior. Teaching the children co-operative activities will also help. The child who is being bullied is living with the fear and stress every day. This can lead to severe behavioral problems, anxiety and depression. Some of them may turn into violence to suppress their inferiority complex. So it is necessary to discourage children from watching violence based cartoons, rated R films, and other more adult related content etc. The most important thing is that the victim should let others know about what is happening, then the parents or teachers will be able to take necessary actions against the bully. Otherwise he will continue this and cause torture to other children as well.
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April 17th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Thanks for allowing us to use this excellent post for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The April edition is now up.
July 31st, 2009 at 9:46 am
My child has had three big experiences with bullies. I have followed your advice here in this article. However, these bullies did not change. They kept it up. In fact, two have every since he has been at the school district he is currently in. The principal and counselor is well aware of the two bullies. In fact, my child and I have told everyone about these situations and they continue. Your article falls short of the next steps to take beyond telling! I am very upset over some of these situations. I talked to one counselor about it and her reply was that something was wrong with my child because he was being bullied. I said No there is not!! It is not my child’s fault! It is the bullie who needs counseling! This bully advice has been written and re-written the same way for decades. Some new research on changing the bully needs to be undertaken and more well thought out answers and solutions need to be provided to teachers, principles and most importantly the bullies parents.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am
I would just like to echo what Angie (31 July 2009) said. I would like to know what steps to take after the bullies have been spoken to and the problem continues. I would also like to know what you can do if you’re not satisfied with the school’s response – what then. My experience revolves around a primary school girl being “picked” on by a handful of girls. The issue was brought to the attention of the teacher, all involved sat down and each girl was given an opportunity to say what it was they didn’t like about the ‘victim’ and the teacher certainly gave this child the impression that she agreed that she had brought this unwanted attention upon herself (whether she said so in as many words is difficult to ascertain as no other adults were present). The victim felt brow beaten and not up to responding nor was she able to adequately defend herself in this totally unbalanced situation. Not surprisingly the bullying is continuing and I suspect is worse given that the ‘bullies’ now feel that they’re somewhat justified as the teacher did not take a strong enough stand initially. It makes me extremely angry to put a victimised child in this totally unacceptable situation. What should be the next step – I would like to see some unbiased counseling provided – where can this be sourced? Is it even possible?
September 12th, 2009 at 12:05 am
I am 42 years old, and grew up in rural Pa. I myself was a victim of school bullys’ behavior. that was the primary reason I joined the Army, and subsequently volunteered for airborne and Ranger schools. I graduated both. I admit I was hard on my children early on, to toughen them up so if they encountered bullies, they would have the fortitude to stand up for themselves. I remember when my step-daughter was 6, a neighborhood bully walked into our yard, took her toy away and punched her in the face, he was 11. I walked out into the yard, grabbed him by the shirt, and dragged him across the street to meet his father. I told his father, ” Your son just punched my 6 year old little girl in the head, are you going to beat his a** or am I going to beat yours? That little boy turned out to be an honor student and Eagle scout, and is a manager at a local store now, but he got his a** beat that day! we are too politically correct, in my day if you did something out of line, you got whooped, but you respected adults, your peers, and knew right from wrong. My son watched a child about age 7 at wal mart when he was 12 knock everything off the bubble gum shelf in a fit of rage at the register because the childs mother told him he couldn’t have what he wanted. I jokeingly asked my son, loud enough for that mother to hear, if he knew why I let him live to be 12, He replyed, of course, I didn’t act like him when I was his age, lol. I hear so many mothers complain their children don’t listen to them or respect them, they try to blame everything on the planet except the real cause.. bad parenting !
November 7th, 2009 at 11:47 am
I am a single mother of two boys. I changed my sons school this year. My son (7yo) just told me that he is being bullied at school. I have no idea how to deal with the situation. But I have to agree with Angie and Katie, school officials never admit they have a ‘bully’ problem at their school, let alone do something about it. I work therefore I can not be present at their school every time thsi situation occurs, how can I suggest to my son that I WILL be there to protect him. And Mark you have nailed it this is all about bad parenting…..I wonder whether the parents of bullies are bullies too.